Archive for July, 2010

“There are only two reasons to sit in the back row of an airplane.  Either you have diarrhea or you’re anxious to meet people who do.” –       Henry Kissinger This stage is a bit like going on a blind date. Who will my seatmate be? Will he be handsome, will he be rich? Will she [...]

And you wonder why people hate to fly. This US Airways flight was already delayed three hours because of mechanical problems – which on a hot steamy day in North Carolina I would suppose was pilot vs mint julip related. But I would be wrong because it was the crack mechanics who couldn’t get the [...]

It is pitiful that Travel and Leisure magazine does a feature on the Best Airport Hot Spots – okay, maybe an oxymoron – and gush about the wine bar and formaggi in Rome,  the spa treatments in Paris, and London’s nail salon complete with champagne, yet the best they can say about domestic airports is that Houston has [...]

Who puts eighteen monkeys in their pants and goes anywhere? This guy packed his toothbrush, socks, shoes, and, oh yeah, EIGHTEEN MONKEYS, and got on a plane from Peru to Mexico. Did he have time to remember the bananas while he was cramming the critters in his underwear? This is the guy who always gets the seat [...]

An Air France flight attendant was recently arrested for fleecing her sleeping passengers. Damn!  I was hoping she had been arrested for having a bad ’70s hairdo and enough bracelets to put the plane over the weight limit. There are so many better reasons to arrest one of those cranky, recently exhumed flight attendants. How [...]

To a normal person/traveler/moron, a 50% increase in airlines fees would be ghastly news.  To me, it means fewer families taking up a lot of space on my plane. It means less children to trip over and less novice vacation idiots to annoy me. This could be the best summer yet !!! Airline fees can [...]

Being a crabby flyer like myself, it’s never good to see a headline with the words airport and snafu together. It just doesn’t have the same feel as, oh let’s say, vodka and tonic. With the exception of the JFK runway construction snafu, I’ve managed to dodge most of these.  And you? Full List – Brief History [...]

Oh No !!!! It’s not enough that I have to fly with morons, now they can pay a few extra bucks and board early WITH ME !!!! And here are 19 other reasons I hate the airlines …. Full List – 20 Reasons to Hate the Airlines – TIME.

I’ve already shared the maggots dropping out of the overhead bin fiasco – I know, you’re welcome –  but this follow-up article continues with more ridiculous items packed by moron flyers. Freeze-dried frogs? Yum. Maggots just latest airline bag shocker – CNN.com.

Finally, the ability to fly without interacting with idiots. I love it. I definitely need to get one of these car-planes and avoid the commercial air terminals and their teeming masses of morons. Just under $200,000 – okay, I’ll get a night job – but what a pay off. Coming to an idiot free fly [...]